After years and years of promoting unsigned bands in small live music venues I have probably heard every excuse or reason for a cancellation of a pre-booked show - sometimes with notice, but very often the week of the gig, or even worse the actually day!
After years of getting use to this occupational hazard it became clear that I can always look at the funny side of the whys / excuses /. reasons. Sometimes you sense it's genuine , sometimes you sense your being spun a yarn.. Either way I have listed my top ten favourite ( or worst depending on how you look at it ) excuses for a band or act cancelling a booking at one of my booked venue gigs........
I have excluded the many obvious and boring ones like - ( we got our dates wrong - its snowing - we double booked - someones ill - the car broke down - the drummer broke his arm - the drums are broken ) ....the list goes on .......and have listed my TOP TEN quotes that stuck in mind. All genuinely said to me by text / phone or in person !
10 - ' we have decided we do not like small venues any more as we are ready for stadium rock '
( for a band without any kind of record deal and a following of maybe 30 people - a bold statement )
9 - .' because of the economical climate and the recession we no longer want to waste our time in band '
( might be the most sensible excuse iv'e heard )
8 - ' my son will not be playing the gig at your venue......because he is in prison '
( mummy sounded cheesed off - I believed her )
7- ' the singer is a racist, and doesn't hide it on stage - so we threw him out the band '
( an excellent reason ! I was happy they cancelled !)
6 - ' we are not playing the gig, because after a detailed band meeting we decided we are crap '
( I love some self honesty )
5 -' the last time we played at your venue my girlfriend got into a punch up afterwards and got a right beating ! '
( yes the club after the gigs can be a bit rough granted at this venue ! but still ouch all round )
4- ' we don't like the stairs in your venue - there is too many and we cant be arsed to carry our equipment up and down them '
( of please !!!! I really was shell shocked with this one. That's dedication to your art!! )
3- ' yeah sorry we had to cancel, our drummer ( who was a party person hasten to add ) got dumped by his girlfriend, he's lost the plot a little, he has stopped speaking to us, drinking and going out , found God and stopped playing drums '
( I knew the drummer well - what can you say to that - from John Bonham to Cliff Richard in 2 months - WOW )
2- ' the bass player jumped off a building yesterday and is intensive care '
( Speechless - turned out true story - he lived...but only just)
1 - ' the band got signed for a major record deal and so are cancelling all gigs from now on as there is slight change of tactics ' - ( their agent at the time )
( utterly true and utterly demoralising as the band in Question were THE ARTIC MONKEYS and I booked them for £40 quid on hearing one song - 'I bet you look good on the dance floor' - OUCH OUCH OUCH !! )
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